So the last time I came to write here was last year just as I was finding out about my biological father. I wish I had more news since then but I don't. I don't know why - I mean, I've been looking for him my whole life and waiting for that moment for so long, and then it happens, and what do I do? Not a lot.
I've added a few of my "new" cousins/aunts/uncles etc on FaceBook and have spoken to my "main" contact, my uncle in Australia, on the 'phone once. What is wrong with me? Why haven't I made the huge effort that I should have done to be in contact with them?
The age old excuse of "I don't have the time" crops up. 30% true. 70% not true. When I first found out last year I didn't know how to deal with it. And I definitely didn't have the support I needed at home from my boyfriend. I wanted it to be this monumental event in my life but felt that as I didn't have the support from anyone else, I had to support myself, and therefore hold it together and not let myself go with my emotions.
And then I moved to Malaga and I haven't had a lot of time to think since then. I work 11 hours a day, I come home, have dinner, and it's time for bed. At 3.30 pm on the dot on a Friday, my boyfriend is here to pick me up and I go back to Marbella for the weekend. I have to be with him 24/7 all weekend to make up for the time we don't spend together during the week...and then Monday comes around all too soon and the cycle starts again.
I just need to catch a break. I need to feel that I can fall and somebody will be there to pick me up. My boyfriend won't. And I'm not complaining about that, I am fully aware of his strengths as much as his weaknesses and it is my choice to be with him for the moment. But the fact is that he is not there to support me. My mum - complete write off! Dad - can't really go to as he is unaware of any of this and I don't even know how much my mum told him in the first place. Plus, we're getting on so great at the moment, I don't want to spoil the dynamics of our relationship. Nan has been diagnosed with cancer recently so she's the one needing support right now. And I feel that all my friends are in the UK or not that close to me here that I can depend upon them.
I'm going to explore this a little more over the next few days/weeks - perhaps this can be my support, my release.
About Me
- JJN
- I'm Jo. I used to be a 25 year old and spent my weeks working in Malaga city and my weekends at my house in Marbella. I shared my house with Snoop and Copi the dogs, 1 rat, Gizmo and Pitbull the bunnies and various fish. There was a man about the house but his status changed too often to make it official on here. Now, I'm 30 years old and spend my weeks working in the wonderful world of aeroplanes and my weekends pottering around the countryside in West Sussex. I still share my house with Snoop and Copi, and the addition of Shadow the Spaniel, Puss & Rodney the cats, and a stroppy horse named Murphy. There is an official man around the house who shares the same name as me. He is marginally better looking than me.
