'The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your Mother, the ecology, or the president. You realise that you control your own destiny'. Albert Ellis.

I was awake at 3am until 4:30 am today with so many thoughts in my head. I was worrying over the most inconsequential things but at that time of the day they seemed like most mountainous of tasks that I was never going to be able to overcome! I was concerned that I would never get all my stuff out of the house I'm moving from and that I'd never get it cleaned in time.  I was worried about not having enough petrol in my car. I was completely preoccupied with wondering how I was going to cope living in J's mum's house for two years without going crazy and why the hell was I thinking about all this stuff at stupid o'clock in the morning and why hadn't I taken my herbal sleeping pills?

And so I decided to read the news online for twenty minutes to get my mind off things.

Then I was overwhelmed with sleepiness and I passed out dribbling on my pillow, only to be rudely awakened at 6:45am by my alarm indicating it was time to get my derriere out of bed and get on with my day.

Which I did.

On the drive to work today I pondered over all my midnight musings and decided that, as usual, I was worrying about nothing and I would find a solution to everything.  I arranged with J to meet at the old house tomorrow after work - we'd load the big bankers desk into one car and all the remaining bits which are destined for my dad's house in the other. I checked my bank account and was reassured I have more than enough to refill the car if I need to (Lord knows what I was worrying about - I'm in Kazakhstan all next week so won't be driving anywhere!). When I got in the door this evening (albeit at 9pm after my looooooong Tuesday), C immediately set about cooking my dinner for me and keeping me entertained for twenty minutes.

It's SO typical of me to be awake at some crazy hour fretting over the teeniest thing only to realise hours later when I'm back in the world of the living that I had made a mountain out of a molehill! So this evening I have made a point of reminding myself of how lucky I am to have somewhere to live, amongst a caring and loving family, with my gorgeous better half. I can't lose sight of the end goal and the reason why we're here.

Only I can decide whether to let it get on top of me or to embrace this small challenge life has thrown my way and make it into the most valuable, positive and memorable experience I can.

I'm choosing the latter.

Here's a photo of a happy Mexican seagull I took this summer - he puts a smile on my face for no apparent reason!

'Time is what we want most, but what we use worst' William Penn

I love the title quote, it's one of my favourites and rings so true for me! Can you believe it's been 4 years since I last posted on here?! And what an emotional post that was...

So much has changed since then (for the better!!). I was procrastinating at work today and the thought crossed my mind that I ought to start a blog to give me something to look back in years to come. I used to be fanatical about writing in my diary when I was younger and it's something I really miss doing - I guess life got in the way and I don't seem to have the time.

Anyway, when I got home I logged on to my Google account (as I usually do), and the Blogger icon caught my eye. Lo and behold I rediscovered this little treasure that I once had such high hopes for! Reading through that last entry from January 2010 brought back some memories, I can tell you. I had forgotten the raw feeling that I had at the time of writing, yet reading it again made it all come flooding back.

I feel like I was such a different person then. I know we all mature and our life experiences change us, but I genuinely feel like I have changed so much. I had so many more emotions then. It seems like I was more descriptive, more awake, more alive.  I don't think I have time for those feelings any more! Life has become so hectic, and I spend so much time running around trying to make sure everyone and everything is happy and don't seem to leave much time for *me*.

THE MOVE

So let's see. I finally bit the bullet and ended that crazy relationship with the boy back in 2010. It wasn't easy but it was absolutely the right thing to do for both of us. I also took a leap of faith (or craziness?!) one morning in February that year and booked a one way ticket to London for May 13th.  I handed in my notice at work, arranged for the removal van to come and collect all my worldly goods,  said all my good byes (hugely emotional - don't ever leave your closest friends at the airport and walk through security alone knowing you're saying adios!) and boarded the BA flight back to the homeland.

I have the most brilliant friends here in the UK - they've been in my life since as far back as I can remember - and they made the transition so easy for me. I knew the moment I'd landed here that I'd made the right decision. Fortunately I'd managed to secure a job at the London office of the same firm I was working at in Malaga so work was pretty sweet.

WORK

However - commuting daily to and fro London is definitely NOT SWEET. I do not recommend it. You are charged half your monthly salary to stand for 90 minutes in hot, sweaty, cramped conditions each way and often get to miss your train because of varying reasons given by the rail companies such as 'leaves on the track'; 'the wrong type of rain'; 'the driver didn't show up'; and the like.

Continuing with my fast tracked update - I stayed at the job in London town for eight months before being alerted to a position advertised at a company much closer to home. They were looking for a Spanish speaker at an aviation company based in a small West Sussex village called Partridge Green.  I decided to apply, thinking that if I got the job I would stay for a while and look for something more law related in the local vicinity.

I went through the most intense interview EVER and somehow blagged my way through and was offered a job the same day (whooooo!).  I started on February 8th 2012 and have been there ever since.

I love it!

My client base is Latvian, Kazakhstanian (?!) and Spanish. I know more about the inner workings of an aeroplane that I ever imagined I would. I work with an awesome bunch of people in a beautiful office, and I'm HAPPY!

HIM

I met my man in June 2011 in a pub in Pulborough, West Sussex, through friends. Initially he was nicknamed 'Tweed' and he fast became my non-gay best friend.  We had more lows between us than high but I like to think I was his lady in shining armour in his times of trouble and strife.  Despite EVERYONE predicting we would fall in love and live happily ever after, we failed to see it and continued on our merry way as girl and non-gay best friend.

I went to Florida with my dad in September 2012 and spent the whole 15 days missing Tweed like crazy. Mentallist crazy.  He was stuck in my head and I missed him with such a crazy longing it scared me.

What did I do about it?

Nothing! I got back to England and we carried on as normal, because he was the most special person in my life and I was damned if I was going to ruin our friendship by doing something as stupid as telling him I had....feelings for him.

Christmas came around, and all the festive cheer and merry drunkenness had some kind of wonderful effect on us. One night...we kissed *blush* and we've never looked back!

You know those annoying people who bang on about finding their missing puzzle piece and the other perfectly matched half of them and all those annoying phrases? Well, I'm one of them now! I don't shout it out all over the place, but there's a certain inner smugness of content because he's all mine now. He's generous and caring and funny and kind and thoughtful and hard working and ambitious and a bit of a looker and he's totally 100% mine.

And that makes me super duper happy.

Then & Now

I'm Jo.
I used to be a 25 year old and spent my weeks working in Malaga city and my weekends at my house in Marbella.  I shared my house with Snoop and Copi the dogs, 1 rat, Gizmo and Pitbull the bunnies and various fish. There was a man about the house but his status changed too often to make it official on here.
Now, I'm 30 years old and spend my weeks working in the wonderful world of aeroplanes and my weekends pottering around the countryside in West Sussex. I still share my house with Snoop and Copi, with the addition of Shadow the Spaniel, Puss & Rodney the cats, and a stroppy horse named Murphy. There is an official man around the house who shares my name. He is marginally better looking than me.